Happy Thanksgiving!

The things I am thankful for are too numerous to mention. That's not going to stop me from trying, though!

First, and always, I am lucky to have a healthy, wonderful family.

What a bunch of turkeys...

There's lots of other stuff I could list here, but I don't want to think that hard. I need to save my energy for the feast.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Trusting my instincts

What a week, kids. The weather has been crap, but I still got in some running. This is good, because it helps me stay sane. I've noticed something though; each time I've headed out I have second guessed myself about something in my gear/preparation etc. and made a last second change to my plan. And every time it has negatively affected my run (sockless with new shoes+3 miles=giant painful blister; over-layering for the weather = too hot and fatigued way too soon in my run). As I'm fairly new to "serious" running, these are all valuable mistakes in that I've noticed my instincts are good and if I'd just trusted them I would have had much better running experiences this week.

Yeah; like I'm going to pass up a chance for Star Wars references

Running wasn't the only time I got to test out my instincts. As it turns out, my teaching instincts got a workout this week, and fared much better than my running ones. That means i actually listened to them and things worked out. The plan had been for me to take over my mentor teacher's class for a couple days while she led a Writing Workshop clinic for other teachers at the school. Of course, being an intern teaching student I have to have a certified teacher in the room so a substitute was set up, you know, just in case and to satisfy the requirement. Thursday morning comes, I've planned out the two days' lessons with my mentor teacher and am ready to go, sub safety net in place In walks the principal who tells the sub and me that the building is short one sub, and asks if the sub would mind taking another class and would I mind taking this class solo...wait; what?! 

No adult supervision!

So yeah, as it turned out, I got to teach solo for two days (Friday had another substitute shuffle at the last minute...). I knew it was a big deal for the principal to trust me with this class and I didn't have time to second guess myself. I had to rely entirely on the plans and my instincts for how the day was flowing. I now know my  teaching instincts are solid; the two days went incredibly well (Friday was a little less stellar, but the schedule was so far off of normal that even mentor teacher would have felt it somewhat). 

Sure, I have a long way to go yet before I am ready for full-time class ownership; but, this two days were monumental for a couple reasons. One, it proved that I am on the right path and my instincts are sound. Two, I felt the confidence of those around me (confidence in me to take care of their kids). This was a huge deal and I don't take the trust lightly. Student teaching will be here before I know it. Now that I've had a taste of the full experience I'm even more excited to get there.

Good enough is never good enough

Here's a little bit about me: I'm never really satisfied with myself.  That last run could have been faster/smoother; the last lesson I taught? Never as good as it could have been. And so it goes in every thing I do. No, this is not necessarily a good thing, thanks for noticing. As a result of this self-critical existence I do not understand the idea of "good enough." those who are simply satisfied with OK baffle me. Sure, I sometimes (more than I wish) produce work that is less than awesome. And, yeah, I may project an air of being cool with it to those around me; it's a coping mechanism. Inside, though, I am reeling with the thousand ways I could have just done x, y, or z better.

How does it compute for someone to just say "eh, it'll do?" Is there nowhere to improve?  Nothing that can be done better? I honestly want to know. I see those around me do this and it makes me want to scream. We are striving to become teachers; how can "good enough" ever be good enough for our students? We have a responsibility to leave it all on the field and give no less than everything we have to further that mission; I can't overstate that.

I know that he who is on a high horse has far to fall, and I'm not trying to be that guy. I don't find myself to be better/superior/whatever than anyone else (see opening paragraph). But here's the thing. I did not take the decision to go back to school and become a teacher lightly. Frankly, I consider it a calling and a mission. I walked away from a career with a lot of growth potential and a good income to do this.  I'm not in it for the pay, the "long summer vacation" that everyone seems to believe teachers get, or anything else like that. I'm in it because I want to educate and foster learning. As a result, I relish every chance I get to learn something or improve myself. I know I have a long way to go and more than a little to learn before I'm ready to call myself a teacher. Don't we all?

I know; at 38 I'm a little old to be so naive and idealistic. Says you. I think the world needs more idealistic naivete. So, yeah, this hasn't been the usual happy slappy funfest. Sorry, but I needed to get this out; it's been burning me up all day. Thanks for reading

Not too shabby

I had to go to the doctor the other day. Yes, naysayers, I hurt my foot whilst traipsing about flaunting my nekkid feet to the world East Vancouver (or possibly during my last 5K; I really can't be sure). I either stomped on a piece of stray gravel, which happens from time to time, or suffered at the hands of the terribly uneven and rough Portland asphalt in the race. Fortunately it was a minor, but deep bruise to the ball of my foot. I was afraid I'd broken a toe or worse gotten a stress fracture. I will say that, yeah, sure, I got hurt, but it is nothing compared to the chronic injuries I used to face running. Still happy with the bare foot. I'm on a strict half-arsed regimen of icing, staying off my feet (sure, I can do that), and not running for a week. The waiting not running is the hardest part (sorry Tom). I am as surprised as all of you at that last statement. No, not that I co-opted a Tom Petty lyric for my own purposes; I do that kind of crap all the time. The not running being the tough part thing. I have never felt that way before, and it's frankly a little weird; but, I crave my running time and not getting it is bumming me out. Nest Friday I should be able to attempt a short run. I'm like a kid on Christmas eve about it...I can't wait.

On the other side of my life, the one in which I am a teaching student, things are moving fast. I'm halfway through another internship already and don't feel like I'm boasting when I say I've made a real impact on the kids I've been working with since September. They've been engaged with all my lessons and I see the evidence of it in their work. A couple weeks ago I posted I was having doubts about this decision and what I should do. Well, since then things have totally turned around and I feel more confident than ever that I am on the right path (there was never any REAL doubt, just a tough couple of days). 

the right path...get it?

So, yeah, things are good. The ouchie is nothing I can't live with and is probably a blessing in disguise to keep me from overdoing things. On the school side, things are going great and I sense they're only going to get better from here. 

Woo Hoo!

Run Like Hell 5K rehash

This morning I did the local Halloween costume 5K. I did not dress up. Unless you count me being a runner as a "costume," 'cause that case could be made.

I'm more excited than I look here, I swear!

 The race runs through the great city of Portland, Oregon, and we had awesome weather. It was in the mid 50's and sunny (an October miracle, for those of you blessed my drier climates). I had been waffling all week over whether I'd run barefoot or in my running sandals. With weather like this I couldn't pass up the chance, so I did it (foot)naked!

I started at the way back of the pack. a.) because I'm slow and it's demoralizing to get passed by 8-year olds dressed in full giraffe costumes, and b.) It's a crowded race and I didn't want to get my feet stomped on. Nice thing about starting at the back? You get to be the one who passes people; double points for every "awwww, man, that guy just passed me and he's barefoot!" (I got two or three of those bonus passes. W00T!)

That's me in red, passing Fatman and the Green Lantern/Hornet Collective

Racing is no fun without fans, so I brought some with me. The super-awesome Mrs. M. and my two kiddos came down to watch/cheer/take pictures. It was awesome to hear the "Go Daddy" chants from the sidelines at the start and finish.

 GoGo muggin' for the camera

Stinky doin' her thang. I fear for her teen years...

I felt pretty good throughout the race. The first chunk is up a long, gradual incline, so the initial pace (for me) was pretty slow, with lots of runner traffic. The one thing that bugs me about these "event" races/runs are the blockades - groups that run three and four across, taking up the full width of the course. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that people are out there doing something active, but it makes it hard to keep an even pace going. I spent as much time running side to side as I did moving forward at times. Whatever, We were all having fun, so no harm no foul. 

After a short but very steep run-up, we leveled off for the return back to the finish. well, what do we have here? I see bare feet running up ahead! I'm not alone (I know there are other barefoot runners, kids, so chill; she was the only other one I saw today)! As I caught up, we chatted for a second. It was kind of cool to bond with a fellow loon during a race. Alas, she was faster than I, so our alliance was short lived.

What goes up must come down, so the last third of the course is a slight downhill. Downhill running is still a weakness for me, as far as barefoot goes; I feel wildly out of control and uncomfortable when I follow all the suggestions I've read. I've got to work on this, for sure, because I did slow down some. I should mention here that Portland has some of the worst paved streets I have ever seen or run on. It was like running on gravel in most cases. As a result my feet were a little tender by now, but nothing I couldn't deal with.

Making the turn into the finishing straightaway!

Making the last turn I had a good bit left in the tank, so I was able to kick into gear for a strong finish. This has been a goal of mine, to not be completely flagged at the end of a run. I want to stride across the finish, not stagger. Plus, it feels good to kick it up:) Unofficial time of 30:30 by my stopwatch. Not too shabby, if I do say s myself!

Post race revelry. Feelin' good.

 I'm pretty happy with my result. It helps serve as a baseline, since this is really my first race as someone who takes running seriously. I can make goals and plans now based on an authentic result and have built a basic foundation as a runner. Next task is to work on my form and some core strength to support (bad pun!) that.

Next race will be the Turkey Trot in the Tri-Cities on Thanksgiving morning. I will be sub-30 minutes; mark my words...

....And, I'm back

OK, kids; slump is over! Here's why:

First, I think I've finally gotten into my groove as an instructor. My last two lessons have been the best I've ever done; I still have a long way to go to where I'd be "happy" with my lessons, but for where I'm at in the learning process I'm doing pretty darn well.

The lessons were Writer's Workshops on supporting with detail, using Lucy Calkins's small moments narrative strategy. The better of the two lessons was yesterday, when we focused on using the five senses to help  stretch the moment and bring it to life for the reader. Those second graders blew me away with the understanding they displayed in their application of skill in writing. I decided to give them a story starter prompt so I could assess their application of the lesson skill instead of their topic selection skills.  It's early in the year, and our classroom is filled with some VERY reluctant writers (who have just this last week become excited about writing), so neither my mentor teacher nor I have really pushed or challenged them on writing choices; we've been mainly focused on comfort with writing a coherent narrative and the writing courtesies of punctuation and capitalization (NOT as simple as you adults reading this think...). Today, though, I saw such eager writers that I decided it was time. When I saw students resting on ideas like "it smelled good" I challenged them to go further and tell me what "good" smells like. Each and everyone of them rose to the challenge and painted rich word pictures to describe the flowers. My favorite was "the one flower looked the prettiest but smelled bad to my nose. It smelled of cinnamon." He revealed to me in our conference that he does. not. like. cinnamon. At all. It was hilarious. I was so proud of my kiddos, and it totally got my mojo back for teaching!

Yeah; I don't get it, either. Cinnamon is awesome. Especially in roll form

It didn't hurt that my mentor teacher was extremely complimentary of my teaching style. I think allowing myself to be goofy and a little weird (y'know, be me) when I'm teaching has really opened the kids up to me. It doesn't hurt that I lovelovelove this group of kids. they have the biggest hearts of anyone I've ever seen and just cannot wait to learn. It really makes it fun to go in and learn with them.

Thanks second graders! You made my week:-)

I got the funk

not THAT funk

I woke up today simply not feelin' it, as the kids say. I don't know what the deal was with me, but a lot of thinking just caught up with me. I've been going at full speed for  quite a bit lately and I think I finally hit the wall.

It was not fun to be in my head today. Here's a sampling of my thought process:

a. My running form sucks (worse than i even originally thought). I ran in shoes TWICE last week which caused my knee to go berserk (reason A-1 I went to barefoot running in the first place).  I have a "race" this weekend, so achy bits are not helping my motivation. I'm kinda feeling down about my running progress overall. Mrs. M. is probably calling me an idiot right about...now as she reads this, but I still feel like I'm on a plateau that extends for miles in all directions.

Yep; that's about right

b. I don't know why or how, but I was totally fish out of water in my internship today. It was like I was going through the day in a third person . It was also the first time since I began this journey that I thought, just for a moment "am I really cut out to be a teacher?" I shook it off, but it was a terribly disconcerting few hours in my headspace. 

Anyone...anyone...Bueller?

c. School has been crazy. There are about 3500 different projects, each of which is THE. MOST. IMPORTANT thing I have to do over the next six months, on top of student teaching, day to day classes and responsibilities. I feel buried every time I even think about school work. Ugh.

Almost there...

All in all, I have to think this was the bottom of a low spot, and I'm sure to climb out of it directly. There is so much I have to be proud of and thankful for that I can't let a single day take the wind out of me. I just have to make sure I'm not a complete downer to everyone around me in the process of sorting it all out...