Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Oooohhhh FFFFuuuuuddge

There are times that life just reaches up and five finger death punches you right in the business. Today was one of those times. I found out today that my longshot best option for a teaching position at my current school next year had dematerialized ( a word I just made up). That really (REALLY) sucked to hear. Now, I'm not going all weepy here; I knew all along that this was a very real possibility, since I was hired on a one year contract. Some positive signs had pointed at a good chance to continue next year, but as these things go, it just didn't work out. I am hugely disappointed because, a. I work in a great building with a fantastic team of teachers and administrators. This year has been a dream assignment in that regard. and b. I love the kids. I have a great class and the other kids in the school are great (and, I might add, pretty fond of me, too).

Now, as I said, I'm bummed; but, I'm not disillusioned or 'beat.' I have worked hard this year and built my craft as a teacher with great support and guidance. I have also proven myself in many ways both to myself and to others, building (what I think to be) a pretty good reputation as a teacher and team member. I know I am meant to be a teacher and feel strongly the right opportunity will present itself in due time. In all of this I have appreciated the transparency and straightforwardness my administrators have had with me. All along I've been treated fairly, honestly, and with dignity and respect as both a professional and human person. For those who know my employment past, you know what a huge deal this is in my book. The folks at my school have been top notch people, for sure.

what does this have to do with running, you ask? Everything. One of the reasons I have been able to keep my center through a lot of uncertainty this year has been piling on the miles (more or less). Running has become a great outlet for me and a time I can really sort through my thoughts on the day. All day today, I managed a glassy calm, positive exterior while inside I was a roiling, twisted, and sad mess; I knew I'd have my chance to lose my shit and it would be on my run tonight, when I was all by myself. Surprisingly, you can still gut out a six miler while choking back intermittent tears (yes, I am man enough to admit this day has elicited tears). By the time that run was over though, I had processed  my feelings and returned to my normal pragmatic self, ready to seek out my next opportunity/challenge. It helps that I have 8 weeks of the current school year left to keep my focus and plenty of ground to cover with my kiddos to stay busy. Luckily, I also have a marathon to train for, giving me lots of running time to think and keep myself centered.

I admit this turned into a bit of a ramble, but hey, you're being entertained for free. You can't expect it to all be gold.